i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
