grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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