sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
