she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
