I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
