i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
