I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
