i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
