He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
