My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
