about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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