On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
