Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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