I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
