apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
