I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
