A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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