so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
