great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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