Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize