is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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