what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
