Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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