I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize