How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
