Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
be right there i have to get my cape
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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