life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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