I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
