i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
