Your mouth is God's brothel.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
