I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
