I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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