Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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