How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
