Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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