I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
