Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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