why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
