When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
