you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
