I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
