Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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