I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
