Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Help. Why am I so naked?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
