she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
