He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
