my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
