you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
