I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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