i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
