And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
