So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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