I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
