Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
