Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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