if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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