I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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