Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sext me about skeletons
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
