I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
