i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
