Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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