I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
