Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize