Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
