oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
