dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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