I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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