are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize