Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
