You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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