he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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