I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's never too late to be topless.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
