What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
