Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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