you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
