Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
