hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
