this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
