who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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