Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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