Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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