atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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