Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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