your thong is hanging out like whoa
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
