Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
