I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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