apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize