I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
