Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize