would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
